Everything in my life has been a lie. And I cannot do this any longer.
I am using this app's anonymity to share a secret. I have been lying a great deal about myself and to others and it has finally hit me hard in my worklife. These days, with the way things work, without a job life is impossible. I am at the verge of losing my job, I am at the verge of losing my family, and my mental health is in shambles.
I have a girlfriend that I do not love because I cannot love her. I have been in the closet for as long as I can remember. My parents are conservative and will never accept me, so there is no point in coming out to them. They will disown me, like so many other parents have done. The stress from all this lying has come and hit me hard, and I am underperforming at work. I am constantly sick and I have given way too many sickness related excuses and I cannot keep doing this anymore. I am failing as a person, as an employee and I have let everyone I know down. I can't keep lying. And if at all this app is anonymous which it says, I am saying this once in my life. I don't want to lie anymore but there is nothing I can do. I am going to lose my job and family if I be myself. Therapy will not help I think, I don't know. I don't know what path I should take. It's dark now and I will do anything to keep my job. I have somewhat accepted that I will lose my family but I can't think clearly.